im so tired i can barely keep my eyes open but my brain just wont stop moving it wont stop can't stop i cant stop thinking about everything that i want to do today and tomorrow and the day after. there are so many things in this world that i want to do i cant possibly imagine not doing anything. but i love not doing anything, too, that is if you count just sitting there thinking as not doing anything. well technically im still doing something--thinking--but it doesn't look like im doing anything and that's what doing is, really, looking like you're doing something. there's a quote about that somewhere, but i dont know if i can find it. about how things only really happen if theyre observed. i wonder if the things only i observe are real. i wonder if thoughts are real at all. okay pack it up man im starting to sound a little pretentious.

the truth is i love to people watch. before i could drive all i could do on the long commute to and from school was lean my head on the window and watch other drivers live their own litle lives because if i did anything else id get horribly terribly carsick. cars are so interesting because when youre in them you feel invincible and private but really youre in a death machine and everyone around you could kill if you in a second whether they wanted to or not, and if you follow the law and dont have tinted windows any old high schooler can see you pick your nose while you text your husband that youre stuck in traffic and are gonna be late. i like to make up little stories in my head about the people i see-- like that middle aged woman driving the beat up honda civic is going to the art studio where she takes pottery lessons or that old man in the kia soul volunteers at the soup kitchen on thursdays and likes crossword puzzles.

i love the feeling of returning to warmth after a cold day. i love the feeling of rain-- at least until i become too damp and cold to enjoy much of anything-- and i love the feeling of drying off even more. and i love it when the wind rattles the bones of the house and i think the roof might blow off but it wont. and i love it when it storms and we have to take out the candles to light our way down the halls and to do our homework.